A True Transcendence of Race, or a Mask for Complicity?
Why woman of color remain guarded around their white counterparts.
The reality is, white women rarely approach the topic of empathy in a truly genuine way. When they say they want to talk about “empathy,” what they really mean is “identification.” Their ability to understand your fears, lived experiences, or systemic challenges is frequently contingent on whether it aligns with their own agenda, whether they’re aware of it or not. Listen closely, and you’ll hear them say things like “How do you know that’s really what happened?” or “I can’t see that happening.” These comments subtly pressure you to seek their approval to validate your experiences of oppression, rather than practicing empathy and gravitating towards you and the root issues. It forces you to seek permission to feel oppressed. See that? They have an issue of meeting you where you are, not because they can’t feel it, but because they used to be right where you are, and whatever it takes, they’re not fuckin going back.
This tactic is a form of psychological gaslighting, meticulously engineered, conditioning us to perpetually justify ourselves to gain their “understanding.” It’s a mechanism of policing and enforcing compliance. These are the women who have historically aligned themselves with white supremacy to secure their own place in society. They have navigated these dynamics to become allies of those operating these oppressive systems, maintaining their control under the radar.
It’s incredibly frustrating and disheartening to have to explain these nuances to our white women friends because it seems like they should already understand. However, we have to understand they have inherited a secret system built brick by brick over centuries by their own flesh and blood, and by design, this system hides itself from those who perpetrate it. An ideology can only stand the test of time if those who adopt it are convinced there is no flaw in it. Their intelligence and finesse in navigating their own oppression have been used to create a structure so entrenched that they themselves can’t see it, but can still feel its effects. That’s why they’ll say things like, “I’m not racist, why should I have to change things?” or “I don’t see color!” or “What are YOU going to do about the fact that THEY’RE oppressing you?”
It’s critical for us to understand that the metaphorical uses of key resistance terms are part of this intentional design. This is why I’ve grown to be cynical about resistance movements. Have you noticed as soon as a movement stops trending, the Black Lives Matters posters come down, the “Stop Asian Hate” rhetoric gets twisted in the media, and “Land Back” all of a sudden becomes grounds for negotiation rather than reparations?
Have you noticed that when white women recognize our underrepresentation in spaces, instead of leveraging their privileges to address it, they tell us, “You need to riot, you need to do something about this. Look at how THEY’RE treating you!” It’s a form of disassociation that reinforces the idea that you are the other, and that they are not the enemy. They weaponize sisterhood to compartmentalize themselves from white men when it’s convenient, leveraging their collective struggles as women to gain our empathy. But the moment we express discontent or take action, they retreat to their masters. “She’s violent and unpredictable; I can’t be around her.”
It’s insidious, like a police officer turning off their body camera or a man copping a feel as he’s walking past you in a bar. Without witnesses to scrutinize these interactions, they can deny their manipulations and shift the blame onto you for overreacting or behaving inappropriately when you are simply defending yourself. When it happens, you must remember to center yourself and find an exit route, quickly and quietly.
This intricate web of refined strategies ensures the true dynamics of power and control remain hidden, allowing them to sustain their privileged positions in society. I dare say it’s more insidious than the overt behavior of white men, because they utilize weaponized incompetence to feign ignorance. It’s their go-to, which is why they’ll say things like “I didn’t know better,” or “What could I do against a man? You know the feeling,” forcing you to approach them with empathy or –
risk getting flagged as non-compliant.
And, if you’ve gone through the trouble of standing up for yourself – or rather, if you’ve identified yourself – who’s to say they won’t show up to verify you gave them the correct, identifiable information when you least expect it? It’s only logical to deduce that someone who wants to destroy you hasn’t shown up at your front door because they don’t know where you live – yet.
c.m faust 